Breaking Bad Habits

Good day, my friend! Let me start with a confession that might surprise you: I once had a habit of checking my phone first thing every morning before I even got out of bed. I'd tell myself it was just to "check the time," but thirty minutes later I'd still be scrolling through emails and news, starting my day reactive instead of intentional. Sound familiar? The truth is, we all have habits that don't serve us well—and the sooner we admit it, the sooner we can do something about it.

The Invisible Chains We Choose to Wear

Here's something I've learned about habits that changed my entire perspective: they're not just things we do—they're who we become. Every time we repeat a behavior, we're casting a vote for the type of person we are. The question is: are your daily votes electing the person you want to be, or the person you're trying to leave behind?

I remember working with a successful manager named Tom who couldn't understand why he felt so drained every evening. He exercised regularly, ate well, and got enough sleep. But when we dug deeper, we discovered he had developed a habit of saying yes to every request, every meeting, every social obligation. He wasn't just overcommitted—he was overwired to please everyone except himself.

The fascinating thing about Tom's story is that his "bad habit" looked like a good quality on the surface. Who doesn't want to be helpful and agreeable? But habits aren't good or bad based on how they look to other people—they're good or bad based on whether they're moving you toward or away from the person you're meant to become.

That's the sneaky thing about bad habits. They often start as solutions to legitimate problems. We develop them as ways to cope with stress, boredom, fear, or uncertainty. The habit of checking my phone in the morning? It started as a way to feel productive and informed. Tom's people-pleasing? It began as a way to build relationships and advance his career.

But here's what I've discovered: just because a habit served a purpose at one point doesn't mean it deserves a permanent place in your life! The strategies that got you where you are may not be the ones that get you where you want to go!

The Many Faces of Self-Sabotage

Let me be honest with you about something: bad habits are equal-opportunity saboteurs! They don't discriminate based on intelligence, success, or good intentions. I've worked with brilliant people who couldn't stop procrastinating, wealthy individuals who couldn't control their spending, and deeply caring people who couldn't stop criticizing themselves.

The habits that hold us back show up in every area of life. Maybe you're someone who starts each day with grand plans but gets derailed by the habit of checking social media "just for a minute." Or perhaps you have the habit of avoiding difficult conversations, letting small problems grow into relationship-threatening issues.

I know people who have the habit of catastrophic thinking—immediately imagining the worst-case scenario in every situation. Others have developed the habit of comparison, constantly measuring their behind-the-scenes reality against everyone else's highlight reel. Some struggle with physical habits like stress eating or staying up too late binge-watching shows, while others battle mental habits like perfectionism or self-doubt.

Here's what's important to understand: these habits aren't character flaws or signs of weakness. They're simply patterns that your brain has learned because, at some point, they seemed to solve a problem or meet a need. Your brain is incredibly efficient—it loves to automate behaviors so you don't have to think about them. The challenge is that your brain doesn't distinguish between helpful automation and harmful automation. It just does what you've trained it to do.

The good news is this: if your brain learned these patterns, it can learn new ones! You have more power over your habits than you probably realize, but it requires understanding how they work and having a strategy for changing them.

The Science of Personal Transformation

Now, let me teach you something about habit change that will revolutionize how you approach this challenge. Most people try to break bad habits through willpower alone, and then they wonder why they keep failing. But willpower is like a muscle—it gets tired. You can't rely on it alone for lasting change.

Instead, you need to understand what I call the "habit loop." Every habit has three parts: a trigger (the situation that starts the behavior), the routine (the behavior itself), and the reward (the benefit you get from it). To change a habit, you can't just focus on the routine—you have to address all three parts of the loop.

Let me share how this worked for Tom, the people-pleaser I mentioned earlier. His trigger was receiving any request for his time or help. His routine was automatically saying yes. His reward was feeling needed and avoiding potential conflict. Once he identified this pattern, he could create a new strategy.

Instead of trying to stop saying yes (which felt impossible), he created a new routine triggered by the same situation. When someone made a request, his new routine was to say, "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." This gave him time to think intentionally about whether the commitment aligned with his priorities. The reward was the same—being helpful—but now he was being helpful in a way that respected his own needs too.

Another powerful strategy is what I call "environment design." If you want to stop eating junk food, don't rely on willpower to resist the cookies in your pantry—remove the cookies from your environment. If you want to stop checking your phone first thing in the morning, charge it in another room overnight.

The key is to make the bad habit harder to do and the good habit easier to do. Stack the deck in your favor instead of relying on motivation alone.

Your Path to Lasting Freedom

My friend, let me tell you something that might change how you think about this entire process: breaking bad habits isn't about becoming perfect—it's about becoming intentional. It's not about never making mistakes—it's about making fewer mistakes and recovering from them faster.

I want to share the most important lesson I've learned about habit change: start ridiculously small! Don't try to transform your entire life overnight. Pick one habit, make one small change, and focus on consistency over intensity.

If you want to exercise more, don't commit to working out for an hour every day. Commit to putting on your workout clothes every day. If you want to eat healthier, don't overhaul your entire diet. Commit to eating one piece of fruit each day. If you want to be more positive, don't try to eliminate all negative thoughts. Commit to writing down one thing you're grateful for each morning.

These changes might seem too small to matter, but that's exactly why they work. They're so small that you can't fail, and success breeds success! Once putting on workout clothes becomes automatic, adding a five-minute walk becomes easier. Once daily gratitude becomes a habit, adding other positive practices feels natural.

Remember, every habit you break creates space for a habit that serves you better. Every pattern you change is a vote for the person you're becoming. Every choice you make with intention instead of automation is an act of leadership—leadership of yourself.

The habits that have been running your life don't have to keep running it. You have the power to choose different responses, create new patterns, and design a life that aligns with your deepest values and highest aspirations.

It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. And you don't have to do it perfectly—you just have to do it consistently. One choice at a time, one day at a time, one habit at a time!

Your future self is counting on the decisions you make today. What kind of person will your daily choices elect you to become?

Remember: you are not your habits—you are the person who chooses your habits! And that choice is available to you in every moment.

To your growth and freedom,

Dr. Michael Schulz